


plus one

by koi_ling



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Bickering, Businessman Seunghoon, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Rocker Seungyoon, This fic exists bc i want to write bickering 2seung
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 16:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12085026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koi_ling/pseuds/koi_ling
Summary: Lee Seunghoon is an adult. In total control of his life. 100% assured.That's a lie, obviously.





	1. Chapter 1

 

It all starts like a nuisance, the biggest, most inconvenient of nuisances he has memory of; but Seunghoon doesn’t like to be pointlessly dramatic so he pretends nothing has happened. That day he doesn’t take a break from work and focuses all his self on a success he’s expected to achieve. His team is busy, wrecked with desperation and weariness, and Seunghoon does what he’s supposed to do, catching every loose end into his hands as he leads them to a conclusion. 

At the end of such a fruitful day he should invite the whole team to dinner. He’s supposed to, because he’s the boss and they deserve to celebrate their hard work, but his mood tells him otherwise. Something bugs at the back of his mind,  _ the biggest of nuisances _ , so he puts on his best smile and talks his way out of this ordeal. He gives his second-in-chief a company card for the night and adds, “Treat them well”, as if he has to, already knowing they won’t recoil from such generosity and drink to the last drop of alcohol paid by the company. 

Seunghoon then is free to do what he wants, and that means shredding all the composure he has learnt to wear, all the iron and bones seizing around him, and just  _ be _ for the rest of the night. Pointlessly, aimlessly, like he’s not used to. He picks a random tent bar in his neighborhood, the smell of greasy snacks reclaiming his attention, and soju pours into his glass and then in his mouth as easily as water would. 

“You really look desperate”, he sounds amused, Song Mino, as he takes the seat across from him. Seunghoon has called him, told him where he was, because he doesn’t like being alone when he feels like this - being alone means being boundless, and not having limits is dangerous, he thinks.

“Lee Seunghoon doesn’t know desperate”, he retorts and fills Mino’s glass with soju. 

“You're not much of a drinker, usually”, a lopsided grin on his face, the alcohol disappearing into his mouth. “And let me rectify, you really look heartbroken”.

“No one told you you shouldn’t have fun of someone else’s misery?”

“I’m not that happy, I’m just not surprised… I told you a hundred times, hyung, there is no point in falling head over heels for a straight man”.

Seunghoon nods theatrically, mocking what sounds as blatant and obvious as such a statement. “You don’t know the thrill of a challenge, kiddo”. 

“I know the heartbreak”, Mino says and this time there is no joy in his words. Seunghoon fills his glass again and then his own, and drinks, the soju burning his throat mercilessly. He prefers this kind of pain. “I think you’re a hopeless romantic, hyung, and that’s something you won’t admit even under torture because it would be a flaw to your character, but I see through you”, a chuckle.

“Now you’re crossing the line, Song Mino. That’s something definitely, one hundred percent wrong”.

“Mh-mh”, he concedes. “You should have given up a long time ago, but you just couldn’t stop, could you?”

Mino has such piercing eyes, big and honest, that stare into his soul without any shame, seeking for something that is called truth. Seunghoon doesn’t like this game - as an adult he has learnt to lie, and that’s the way they’re all going on and do what they have to do despite hating it; that’s the way they cope, lies and alcohol, to not see the ugliness behind it all. But Mino is still as innocent as a child, like a white canvas that can’t be dirtied no matter how hard the world tries, and that’s why Seunghoon likes him so much. He’s annoying yet necessary.

“He’s my best friend”, he sighs after what seems eons, the whole weight of sincerity knotting around his throat. He wheezes. “Always been”.

Mino mouths the words ‘hopeless romantic’ but says nothing. He drinks some more and looks at him with those eyes, and Seunghoon thinks that there is no end to nuisances, it’s just one after another after another, and he’s somehow masochist enough to enjoy them all. 

“He’s getting married next month”, it sounds real when he says it, and it really shouldn’t come as a shock because it’s not something unexpected, but it still hurts him deep inside. Seunghoon doesn’t know how is possible that someone else, a human being just like him, has been able to have so much power over him. He’s usually the one in control, and yet…

“We are in the age of marriage, me and… we are old enough, two grandpas ready to experience conjugal happiness”, he snorts. Seunghoon hates being so powerless, so bare and laid open, but it must be the heartbreak and the alcohol talking for him. He should contain, refrain, keep it hidden; he should lie all the way and say he’s happy for the two of them, and he should soon find a spouse as well. Mino’s eyes won’t let him, they don’t accept any lie.

“And you just got the invitation, didn’t you?”

“We’re best friends, it’s a given. Birthdays, Friday parties, weddings, it’s all a given”, he smiles. “It was in my mailbox this morning, white smooth paper and golden embroidery and a fancy font she must have chosen, because he would never… he has such a simple taste for these things, you know”.

“That’s plainly cruel, after all these years of unrequited love… and being aware of how you feel -  _ does _ he know?” Mino inquiries and Seunghoon just shrugs, sighing into his empty glass. 

“You know, I don’t like when I’m the weak one in a relationship, I don’t like letting someone else have that kind of power, I’m… I’d rather keep it for myself. No bitter ends, no misunderstandings. No desperate looks and silly moments… like this one”.

“You must really trust me to give me so much info then”, Mino boasts with a full grin, unfazed by such revelation, his hands full with dried squid he’s been breaking into pieces. 

“I know you would never win against me, you fool. And you know I’m a lightweight, it’s the alcohol talking”, he adds, gulping down another mouthful of soju. 

“And I bet it wasn’t much of a power game, in this case, but more that you didn’t want to lose your friend. It’s been so long, and you’ve been so close, it would be just too scary to risk that all for romance. But, perspectives”.  

“Yeah, nuisances”. Seunghoon has reached that level when dizziness is changing into annoyance, something that only alcohol can do so quickly, and he slaps the glass on the plastic red table to stop drinking. His fingers feel so distant, a dormant side of his body. If only his heart could be the same.

Time elapses with alcohol and sadness in his body, all of their shared memories crowding Seunghoon’s mind as if it was his last moment on earth - and he's just dying right there, right now, reliving all he can't have. Overdramatic and preposterous, he thinks.

“You know what you need?”, Mino says after a while, shaking him out of his thoughts. Seunghoon would normally not listen to him, but he’s not in his right state of mind. He nods to encourage him. “You need a date!”

He bursts into laughter, spitting saliva on Mino in the process, but he deserves the unorthodox bath. “I’m heartbroken, remember? We should give it some time”.

Mino shushes him, a hand planted on his pouting lips. Seunghoon wrestles his way to breathe. “No one needs to know, hyung, and I bet you would hate it if anyone saw you in this state. You don’t care enough about me, not about the appearance you should have at least, so it’s ok, but it’s not the same with others, right?”

“I already know that”.

Mino beams at him. “And I know that as well. But I also know what you need, you need someone to take you to the wedding! You shouldn’t go there by your own like the usual Lee Solo of the situation, you shouldn’t sulk, you should look fabulously happy” “That’s the spouses’ main point, actually, and I don’t sulk!” “And that means you need a plus one! And I happen to know the man just for that”.

“You’re not invited”, Seunghoon hisses guardedly, now fully aware that he has a reputation to preserve. He has had his downs today, reaching depths he should never meet again, but it’s once in a lifetime. “You clearly know too much and I won’t trust you with that information and too much sparkling wine. You could be ridiculously friendly to some straight guest, or worse you could tell everything to those that shouldn’t know anything about it”.

“Ouch, that was way too much, hyung”, he pretends to be saddened by his words. “I must say the food tempts me, but no, it’s not me. They all know we are just friends, or something would have happened after all this time… straight people say we only care about fucking - no, no, I have a better idea”.

And Seunghoon is surprisingly convinced to listen. It’s probably because he doesn’t want to think about how he feels, how his heart has been aching all day long and he has tried to ignore it by being busy, and even more surely because he doesn’t want anyone else to see him this way. Especially not his best friend, Kim Jinwoo.

  
  
  


The name is Kang Seungyoon and the man is supposed to be some sort of musician. Seunghoon agrees to meet him after he and Mino have talked this thoroughly. He’s way younger than Seunghoon, the same age as Mino, and he’s handsome according to Mino’s opinion, but what’s more important he’s gay and in need of something Seunghoon can offer. (Not a dick, Mino likes to specify).

“You might end up falling for him”, Mino jokes over a big slice of cheesecake. 

“No way, I don’t fall in love with random youngsters, you’re all too noisy for a businessman like me”. 

“You definitely sound like a grandpa now. Anyways, it’ll be more convincing if it’s someone like us, don’t you think? Less pretending on his side, you can play the happy couple way more easily. You could even have some good blowjob here and there, no hurt feelings”.

“I have my gays for that”, Seunghoon grunts and steals a bite of his cake in revenge.

He agrees to meet Seungyoon in an ordinary cafe he doesn’t usually frequent, and that’s how he finds himself sitting at a table for two on Saturday afternoon. He has an Americano in his hand because he has been waiting for half an hour already, and he’s never been famous for his patience. 

He already dislikes this Kang Seungyoon to the bits, he has no manner or conception of time. There should be some boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, especially at the first meeting.

He gulps in surprise when someone finally sits at his table, his eyes priorly glued on his smartphone looking for dog toys online, and he raises his stare to meet the blinding smile of a stranger.

He has a huge, black leather jacket that drapes around his skinny frame, a long tousled fringe covering his forehead and rings at his ears and his hands. Seunghoon is a bit taken aback. “You must be Seungyoon, Mino told me you would be… a punk”.

“He told me you would be a boring clerk”, Seungyoon says and Seunghoon really doesn't like him. “But he didn’t tell me you would suit such fine clothes so well”. There is a flirty tone laced in his voice that Seunghoon bets he must use with everyone he talks to, and he shrugs at his implications. This is not the way to win his heart or trust, for sure.

“There are some people that can afford to wear whatever they want and look perfect in it, yes, and there are others... anyways, let’s get to business. You’re quite late, I don’t have so much time to waste”.

His smile falters a notch. “Business, yes, you should offer me a drink first? I know you have some deal to propose, and I’m terribly thirsty”.

Seunghoon snorts at his thick skin. Oh, this is gonna be hell - or it’s gonna be fun, but he won’t let it show to his opponent. He has decided he hates him, he should stick to that. “What does a punk like you drink, black coffee with a lot of bitterness and children’s tears as topping?”

“A vanilla latte will be fine, I need all the sugary energy to be spiteful enough when it’s asked for”.

Seunghoon takes his time to order his drink, his pettiness showing as he makes Seungyoon wait for that stupid errand. He doesn't like to be ordered around, and he loathes people who are late. They really started with the wrong foot and he has no intention to fix it, there is no need to get along to make business anyways. Feelings are irrelevant.

“So you’re a musician, Mino told me. You’re having some bad days and you need some help”. He hands him the vanilla latte, not gently enough.

“I'm a singer and the leader of a rock band, yes. We had some eps out already, stuff we produced. And Mino told me you need a date for this wedding, right?” He smiles effortlessly, as if that would give him some leverage on Seunghoon. It shouldn’t.

“I’m sure you have no problem being a flirt, but for that night I need a boyfriend, and that also mean you need to know a little about me first”. 

“And you about me… listen, I wouldn't usually agree on doing shit like this, I have my own pride”, Seunghoon doubts he does. “But it’s been hard on us and I’m the leader, I need to find a way to make us big and you’re our best shot”.

“Are you good enough to start with?”, distrust is evident in that question and Seunghoon sees he has offended him. Rockers’ pride is all groundless, usually the fruit of few fans boasting their ego - still, Seunghoon knows the pride of someone working with ideas,  concepts, arts that are not as tangible as a skyscraper or a smartphone in someone’s hands, and he would want to apologize, but this is not how the game works. This is not the time to show he can be human as well.

“Of course we are, I believe we are. We’re born to be rockstars”. His whole being changes as he speaks, hardens, all the flirty edges and chirpy smiles sinking away under the weight of his intense eyes. “I know it sounds like an excuse at the moment, but the music market is oversaturated and even sponsors and labels have forgotten how well rock can do. It’s all about other genres, but we are going to revolutionise the whole music industry. People who know us love our music, we can see that kind of response in the crowd, but we need a bigger audience. Everybody needs to be in the spotlight even just one time to get real success - even the big names are where they are not only because of their talent. I need you to be our lucky charm. We are a great investment, I assure you, if you’re willing to bet”. He takes his album out of the leather jacket, a multicolored cover flashing beneath the jewelled case. “You should listen to us, you won’t regret”.

Seunghoon knows success when he sees it. The drive behind it, like a flame no one can quench. He grabs the album in his hand, weighs it, pretends he needs time to think over his options. Maybe he can win even more than expected by this whole situation.

“I will as long as you agree on my terms. We have an agreement, don’t we? I’m gonna make you famous and you’re gonna be my date, that’s quite neat, a real bargain for you”.

Seungyoon nods along, smiling again. He definitely smiles too much, seems too relaxed in his presence. Seunghoon doesn't like that. “You must be dying about this whole thing if you're willing to go to such lengths just to appear to be happy, you truly care”, he adds then.

“Let's include another term to our contract, we should not discuss personal topics without permission. And just so you know, I don't care to such extent, I just don't like losing”.

“But you are - losing. Enough to bargain. Anyways, none of my business… I'm counting on you to make us big, I know you're a magician with these things”, he extends his hand and Seunghoon reluctantly takes it in his own, “From now on we are partners, my darling”.

“We have to work on pet names… I don’t really like them, at all, and I don't like people that are late and think they can do whatever they want with my time. You must know, Mr. Kang, I'm always the one in control here”.

Seungyoon grins, lazily, apparently amused by so much hatred. “I don't like you as well, Mr. Lee. But I must say, I would have apologised for being late if you weren't such an asshole since the first minute. Next time, be gentle, I like my boyfriends to dote on me”

  
  


Seunghoon pushes the album deep in the glove compartment, under his eyeglasses case and the keys of his flat and all the mess he keeps there, just like he pushes all his feelings deep within himself. He doesn't like to remember how broken he felt in these years of helpless one-sided love, all the hours spent on someone that could never meet his feelings with the same intensity. He focuses on what's important, his work.

  
  


A week has passed and Seunghoon has barely breathed under the pile of work he has to do: there are many clients to satisfy and not enough time, and it feels like a hopeless fight against time. His phone buzzes every night with the same text by Seungyoon - around midnight, probably in the middle of his shift at the supermarket - and as usual he just ignores it. He's not fond of technologies, that's his excuse.

Tonight he calls. Seunghoon wants to compliment his tenacity and answers. “Hey”.

“Kang here. Hello to you. Did you listen to our album?”, he sounds nervous at the phone but still goes straight to the point. Kang Seungyoon has a very deep voice, unlike himself. Seunghoon didn’t notice it the first time, too busy being angry. He must sound good singing, talking, whispering into someone’s ear…

“I was very busy with work…”, he hesitates for an instant. He doesn't really know how to call him, they're not close enough to speak comfortably, but it's also true they're supposed to be boyfriends. “Seungyoon...ah?”

“Listen, mister, I’m not going to do this whole thing if you won’t help us. I don’t trust you businessmen at all, I won’t give you anything if you aren’t committed”.

“Seungy- Mr. Kang, not everyone has the time to sit down to have a decent meal, so you'll forgive me if I was too preoccupied to check your album”.

“Listen, I don't like you and you don’t like me, I’m sure of it. It’s not like we have to be best friends just because we are both gay - and that’s not even the point, because assholes exist regardless one’s sexuality. But -” he tries to regain control, breathes hard into the phone, “but I thought you were enough of a good businessman to know you need to check the product you’ll try to sell. I’m asking you to do that, you asshole”.

Seunghoon is already exhausted - youth never stop to be tiresome and noisy, they just waste all their energy in the wrong way. He smiles placidly, he has heard way worse in the past, and Kang Seungyoon is not really fucking with him that hard. It’s all games. “Of course I know that, I’ve been in the business way longer than you, you were a toddler when I first sold my idea, so just -- let’s have dinner, shall we?”

“Dinner?”

That’s how Seunghoon deals with difficult clients, he’s a master at making everything go according to his plan, and smoothing rough edges is his area of expertise. “Yes, let’s have dinner, and then I’ll find time to listen to your music. We have to agree on things, we have to discuss some details before we actually do this together”.

“Sure, I’ll switch my turn with someone at the shop, I’ll be free tonight. But listen to the album before dinner, so we can discuss that as well”.

He hates smartasses.

 

He ends up rushing to Seungyoon’s workplace because of a last-minute client at the agency. He parks right in front of the 24h-open market and gets out of his car to smoke a cigarette. With his grey suit and his hair slicked back he knows he looks as good as he could ever do, and the car is just another incentive.

“Wow, you treat yourself well”, Seungyoon points at his sportive car with newfound respect. Seunghoon takes notice of his butchered jeans, big holes on his red skinny knees, and the deep v-line of his t-shirt showing half of his chest - Jinwoo would think he's a funny kid, the type Hoon needs to loosen up a bit, he can hear his voice at the back of his mind.

He hands him a cigarette almost like a peace offer, a first treat before the real business begins, but he refuses. “We must take care of our throat, we singers”.

Seunghoon doesn’t answer to his smile just because that would be too much of a concession. “Get in the car, your album is in the glovebox - before you complain, I truly didn’t have the time. That’s how busy real adults are. Let’s listen to it together”.

“Oh wow, how kind of you, ahjussi”, Seungyoon jokes, but then adds, “That actually sounds great to me, though”. He slips into the passenger seat without further notice and Seunghoon follows him suit. It looks weird to have a rocker in his car, Seunghoon thinks, because it’s like an item you could never imagine to see between smooth grey seats and black metallic interiors. He kinda likes the contrast. 

“Do you like seeing people's reaction to your music?”, he’s amused because he’s exactly the same with his ideas, very egocentric of his, very honest of his as well. Everyone loves to be praised, or even just to move someone else’s heart to a certain extent.

“Well... yes, I do. It can be uneasy, a bit disheartening sometimes, or very thrilling. I bet you won’t show me your emotions at all”, he grins and Seunghoon can’t help the smirk there, but he hides it by turning around to throw the cigarette butt away.

Seungyoon complains around as he fishes for the album, saying he was really trying to ignore it with all his might, and Seunghoon concedes him that because he’s been a bit of an ass all along. Seungyoon laughs at that, a high-pitched laugh that doesn’t suit his voice at all, and Seunghoon could almost find that endearing. 

When the CD is finally inside the radio, he realizes he’s actually excited to hear it. He wonders what such an annoying brat could make - he is stubborn enough to make a good musician, he reckons.

The first notes of guitar fills the narrow space of his car, and Seunghoon closes his eyes to listen. Under his indifferent exterior he's a nostalgic, and he likes the idea of stocking albums in his living room because there is nothing better than sitting on his sofa and listening to a good album from beginning to end, no skipping, no easy routes to take. He thinks this album will have a special place in his row of CDs.

“You like it”, Seungyoon says after a while, and it is maddening to hear his voice now after what it’s recorded in those songs, his vocals beautiful and mesmerizing like no others. 

Seunghoon looks at him with a grimace. He doesn’t want to admit it, he doesn’t want to lose against the pleased confidence in Seungyoon’s eyes.

“And I win, then”, he jokes happily, leaning a little more on his seat, another smile on his face. Impertinent. “You're gonna help us becoming famous, aren’t you?”

“That’s the deal since day one, of course I will”. He says, sounding harsher than he wants. He starts the engine and begins to drive as another song plays, feeling Seungyoon’s stare boring at his side. Resilient, unfazed. “You should call me hyung, by the way. I’m not really into fancy pet names, I’ll call you by your name if that’s ok with you”.

“Hyung…” he rolls the word in his mouth, it sounds weird when he says it. He calls him a few times, playfully. “Hyung, what are we gonna eat tonight?””

“Meat, I’ll cook for you”.

 

“Usually it's the younger one cooking and the older one paying for dinner, you know”, Seungyoon nags after their bellies are full with meat and beer and they have discussed everything they had to know before being officially an item. He talks too much for Seunghoon’s liking, always coming forth with ideas that disrupt his own plan. 

“Well, I can't do everything, ours is a democratic couple”, he says, not bothered by such remarks. 

“And I thought I finally found a sugar daddy for once”, Seungyoon sighs and Seunghoon spits his last ounce of beer on the plate. “I'm kidding, I would never… you’re not even my type, you’re too cold-hearted, like I said, I like someone that dotes on me”.

“I didn’t know you had such tendencies, thanks for that info, I’ll add it to the ways to blackmail you when you’re famous”.

“Oh, that would be a low hit”, Seungyoon chuckles, pretending to have been hit by an arrow right on his heart.

“I never said I played fairly, you should have been careful”, he retorts and Seungyoon grins at that, with ease, almost like he's having fun.

“Ah, but you must have some weakness as well, you can't be as perfect as you want to appear”. Seungyoon stares into his eyes with self assurance that can't be defeated by anything, a strength Seunghoon wishes to wreck and tame.

“I'm invincible, at least for you”. He always sounds too harsh, like he doesn't want to concede anything to him. And he truly doesn't want to: he finds Seungyoon annoying, blabbering around all the time just like Mino, probing here and there as if he could actually manage to really touch him. They're not friends, though, and Seungyoon doesn't need to know how he feels. Seunghoon must be victorious and invincible to him, like he says he is.

“Yeah, sure”, he shifts in his seat, answers more coldly. The joke has ended without any cue, abruptly like only Seunghoon can be. It's a talent of his, the double-edged knife of being precise in his hits, hurting or healing in the most perfect of ways. People call it wits, he calls it knowing your enemy.

“So, we have discussed almost all we needed to. Next week we'll have a fitting session, I'll have two suits ready for the wedding. They'll both be grey, it should suit you as well… I thought we could have something matching, a blue handkerchief? The tie too, maybe? I would like us to look like a couple”.

Seungyoon stares at the empty plates on the table dividing them just by few inches. “Red would be nicer, I think. It's a lucky color, I like it”.

“It's a strong shade to wear”.

“Well, you said you can wear anything and look good, didn't you?”, a challenge in his tone.

Ok then, let it be red. Seunghoon agrees with a quiet nod, checking another item in his list of things to do before the wedding.

“Before that, the whole fancy dressing up, I think you should see us playing. We are having a gig in few days. It should be good to see us so you can think of ways to help us later on, right?”

“Finally speaking some sense. Yes, we should work on that, text me the date and time and I'll be there”. He stares back at Seungyoon, which breaks his indifferent appearance in a heartless grin.

“I thought you were too old to read your texts. I see you were just ignoring me,  _ hyung _ ”, he bitterly adds, no surprise really because once more Seunghoon was just being an asshole.

“You know, businessmen are piece of shit. I'm no better. You're just learning how the world works”.

Seungyoon smirks at that, his dark eyes narrowing with playfulness. “I also thought they had no social life. Not a good real one, at least. Only boring business dinners, kissing asses you'd rather not touch. I hope you'll be able to stay awake till 1am, grandpa”.

It’s too late when a clapback comes to Seunghoon, a joke to his verbal defeat.

 

When he's home he listens to the album few more times. Haute comes to curl at his side and he pets his bony back, the music unfurling in the room and owning every corner of it. The instrumental is amazing and Seungyoon’s voice is otherworldly - divine, smooth and rough and warm and beautiful, piercing through his soul. Seunghoon feels shaken, but he's good at not showing it, he has learnt a long time ago that adults lie even to themselves. 

  
  


He has to search his whole wardrobe to find something that would work at a concert, because lately he has lived his life between work and home and all he can find is perfectly ironed suits and wrinkled sweatpants, and neither of them are just right.

Haute follows his movements with curiosity as Seunghoon has to stoop and skim through piles of clothes he hasn't seen in ages. He finds the leather jacket he loved in university days, still as stylish as then, and skinny jeans to pair it with. 

It feels refreshing to wear those clothes, his figure looking different in the mirror, younger, bolder, and somehow more approachable than the businessman he has become. He can imagine Jinwoo wooing at him, the compliments he would say, like he always does, with utmost sincerity and warmth. He'd be happy for him, even when Seunghoon always wished he'd happy with him.

He pulls his hair down and stares back at the younger self reflected on the mirror, thinking of Seungyoon now. He tastes the victory in his mouth, imagines how surprised he'll be to see him like that, how pleased too, and how victorious Seunghoon will be instead. He likes it too much, that sensation of winning against any of his enemies, the only thing that pulls him through.

 

He didn't remember it would be this hot, this damp, sweat and people pressed against him, like crazy, like the crowd is just one big beast with million eyes and million hearts beating at the same time. Seunghoon doesn't feel part of it for a moment, wishing he could ran away from that extreme proximity he hasn't asked for, too intimate and yet too alienating at once. But then he closes his eyes and takes a breathe and Seungyoon sings the first note of a new song, and he's suddenly one with all humanity, one and only and yet all as he melts under his voice. 

He is ear that listens, blood that flows, breathe that pauses, he's a great beast with million eyes, and million hearts to feel and remember. 

They all sing along and he finds himself mouthing the lyrics: he has listened to the album enough to know them, and he can't help himself. He screams the song like his life is at stake, words and words he has impressed on his heart already coming to his mouth. He's limitless in the safe space of the crowd, its noise and its collective dance covers him without asking anything back.

Seunghoon feels alive like he hasn't in months, maybe years, maybe his whole life - he's without boundaries, dangerously powerless yet powerful as he sings his heart out and his throat hurts and his body moves naturally to the beat, giving in yet owning it.

It lasts eons, it lasts seconds.

He feels heartbroken again when the concert ends, like one of his limbs has been ripped off from his own body, but he's also too hyped to truly think about that kind of loss. He has to fight the smile on his face, remembering he doesn't like Seungyoon and has no plans to show him that side of him, and so he stands waiting for him to get down the stage.

It's the first time he looks at him that night, he notices, because he was too busy listening to him earlier. His face is drenched in sweat, dark locks attached to his forehead, his white tank top climbing to his chest but not covering that much. He's surrounded by bandmates and what seems like some diehard fans, and Seunghoon almost feels like a teenage girl waiting for her crush in one of those shojo manga he secretly read. The scene is just the same, at least: Seungyoon smiles and everyone smiles with him, while he's forlorn. Seunghoon decides he shouldn't look at that any longer. 

He turns around, pretending he's staring at the anonymous pub with its walls covered in rock band posters and other souvenirs people have brought from all over the world. There is a scarf hanging over a lamp on his left, and some photos just above. 

He has played the scene in his mind - the triumph of Lee Seunghoon, the surprise and respect on Seungyoon’s face when he'd see he is not only a rusty ahjussi, and the general power it would give him. Maybe he could make Seungyoon do what he wants more easily, without any extra complaint or unnecessary joke. 

Seunghoon has underestimated him, it seems. He's truly surprised to feel him against his chest, all sweat and warmth, and Seunghoon has no time to push him away. Seungyoon leans in, thick lips meeting his cheek in a butterfly kiss.

“Before you make a fuss like your usual, the kids all think we are together”, he whispers in his ear, slipping a hand just above his ass. “They would be suspicious otherwise”.

Seunghoon wriggles a hand out of Seungyoon’s grip to stop him from grooping his ass, just in time. “This is called harassment, Seungyoon”, he exhales breathlessly, intertwining their fingers one by one. He grabs at his hand. “This… is being together”.

Seungyoon looks at him weirdly, hands locked together between them, with some kind of amusement in his eyes that Seunghoon can't explain. He studies him for few seconds, with a smile that fights his way on his lips. “You really look good like this… skinny jeans, legs long like a tree… I would date you”.

“Is that a compliment?”, he jokes, unfazed by such flirtatious words. Seungyoon grips at his hand, harshly, and Seunghoon realizes for a moment that they really might look like a couple from afar. “I don't need you to date me, especially if you're so easily affected by a change of appearance”.

“But we're already dating, remember”, he whispers closer to his face, like the player he is. “We shouldn't deny it for anything in the world, rule number 3 of your infinite list of requirements to make our deal work”.

“You're so pleased with yourself, aren't you?”, Seunghoon has never loathed someone this strongly in a very long time. They shouldn't be equal, shouldn't play on the same level, he shouldn't be this affected. “Well, guess I'll break your heart in less than a month,  _ darling _ ”.

“So this is Seunghoon”, the drummer silences them with his loud voice, an expectant smile on his face, and the rest of the night is spent with the band and few of the stories they have to tell about their time together, Seungyoon being a good leader to them as well as a strict one, and a lot of more interesting facts Seunghoon couldn't even imagine. 

Alcohol is always present in such occasions but he just drinks one glass, then Seungyoon intercedes for him with command in his voice, something the others can't defeat. “He might seem more experienced than we are, but he can't drink for his life, I don't know how he survived all of those business dinners” “To Seunghoon, the kid businessman, to Seunghoon, our leader's man”, and gladly they stop pouring soju in his glass.

Seunghoon shrinks in his seat as the others start losing their decency under the effect of alcohol and just goof around and blurt things out of their mouth without thinking. It's almost pitiful, how much of their self constraints fly away with the power of soju. It's something Seunghoon can't allow to himself, not again, since last time was disastrous enough to make him meet Kang Seungyoon. Mino can be way too crazy for his own good.

He sighs as he admits he's been defeated another time, not gaining any substantial power over Seungyoon despite expecting to completely strike him out.

“You had fun, didn't you? I saw you in the crowd… dancing, screaming, all for me”, Seungyoon says surprisingly lucid, while everyone else is blabbering nonsense and drinking some more. He looks so pleased with himself, even if Seunghoon can sense he's just teasing him. 

Seunghoon is the master of toying with people, when his feelings aren't involved and it's all neat business, and he should know that it's all a meaningless game, and yet… he feels trapped by his own scheme. That's not how things should unfold, not how he has planned them to. There is nothing he can do to deny what he said.

He slips his hand around Seungyoon’s in a shameless attempt to look in perfect control of himself, and he even smiles, like he can only do when an enemy is trying to win him over. “I hoped you'd feel something… close to power. Just so you know you don't really have it, because it was all an act”.

“I doubt”, he teases him and Seunghoon squeezes his hand, to hurt. Seungyoon grimaces unpleasantly, questions him with his eyes.

“You must know… that at the end I'm always the one winning”, he whispers as he plays his same trick, leaning closer enough to leave a kiss on his cheek, just an inch to his lips.

But then he moves over his mouth, for a long instant - still too short to know how Seungyoon feels against him for good, a ghost of a kiss. He laughs onto his lips, moving away as quickly as he leaned in.

Seunghoon thinks that power is way more dangerous than any alcohol, it inebriates him like no others - and now, looking at the surprise in Seungyoon’s eyes, it makes him feel alive like nothing else. His heart beats at the same rhythm of a rock song, beastly, fearless, rejoicing at the silence that follows.

This round is his.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am terribly sorry for being late

_ “Good morning ~~^^ how are you?? We are so busy!! It feels like uni again, no time to breathe or think!!! Minus all the parties… but i’m sure you’re the same.” _

The text was sent at 5.55am, he isn't sleeping well again. Seunghoon types an answer right away - duh,  _ I’m not getting married, so I’m just the usual kind of busy  _ \- but it doesn't sit right with him and he dials his number instead. Jinwoo doesn't take long to take his call.

“Is everything ok? I just woke up, I went to sleep very late last night”, he mumbles against the phone, shuffling to the kitchen with half-lidded eyes.

“Mhh, you know, normal stuff, busy with all the preparations”, Jinwoo giggles airily, and his voice feels like home to Seunghoon. It's been way too long. “You were up last night? What were you up to, Lee Seunghoon, I thought you had stopped wilding out”.

“Ahh, not much, a rock concert”.

“A Rock Concert? WHAT? And you haven’t invited me!”, he’s loud as usual, earnest in his reactions and Seunghoon can’t help the typical smile he reserves to Kim Jinwoo. He puts some rice in a bowl, a little more happily.

They never talk about what worries them, what eats them at night and doesn’t make them sleep - it’s a mutual agreement, a deal they don’t have to say at loud, and it’s something Seunghoon loves of their friendship. He’s not someone that opens up easily, and it’s even harder to admit he has a problem, something that gnaws at his sanity, so it would be even more awkward to bring it up in a normal conversation. With Jinwoo he doesn’t have to; just talking and joking around is more than enough.

He thinks that’s also why he teases Mino so much, he’s the only one that knows his dark side and he wishes no one else will, because he can’t entrust such power to someone that is not Mino. Mino is good enough to not use it against him, not for real. 

“I couldn’t…”, he finally says, hesitating for a moment. He isn’t sure he’s ready to lie. “It was a business thing”, he utters in the end.

“Oh, so not that much fun? Are they any good, at least?”, Jinwoo chirps with curiosity.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I wasn’t bored to death. They are fine, I’m sure you’ll hear their name soon enough”.

“Well, if you’re working with them I bet they’ll be famous in no time! There is nothing you can’t sell”.

“Except you won’t let me sell you any of my collection”.

“That’s a different story, we are friends, I won’t let you scam me with some hentai… I buy oil paintings, dear”, he sneers and Seunghoon can tell Jinwoo is feeling less burdened already. 

He eats some kimchi and perilla leaves before speaking again. “The wedding is soon, it must be so hectic… do you want to run away already? You know you have to wait for the official day or it would be no fun”.

“Please, that’s something  _ you  _ would do”, Seunghoon wouldn’t, if it was the right person. “No, you know how I am when I’m stressed, I guess I must be a bit… unnerving”.

Seunghoon is baffled and laughs at that prepostenouness. “Well, you are a freaking catastrophe… I bet people are trying to make you happy, instead of focusing on the wedding preparations. You should stop stressing other people out”.

“Oh, please, I’ve just been quiet! Nervous but quiet like a corpse!”, he sounds upset, but Seunghoon knows he’s not for real. He knows every little nuance in that voice, what it means, what he has to do to make it go or stay.

“Your silence is scary, don’t you know? People want you to be happy all the time, hyung”.

“You too, Seunghoon-ah?”, he says spontaneously, without any other implication. He’s always too powerful - heartbreaking, breathtaking, a wind of change that leaves Seunghoon without good footing - even if he doesn’t try to. Jinwoo is that kind of person, the one people want to please and adore, the type everyone loves naturally, without any way out.

Seunghoon has succumbed a long time ago, and it hurts to put any distance between them. He has to, for his own good. “Of course I don’t, I’m your friend, not some  _ people _ ”.

“Ouch, you asshole”. They both laugh, body shaking as they can’t help it.

“I actually have something to tell you”, Seunghoon says when they finally stop, wheezing and hurting all the same. He doesn’t hesitate this time, because he doesn’t want to be weak ever again, and he knows he can’t have this kind of power by his own. Not with Jinwoo. “It wasn’t only business, last night…”

“Oh, you sly fox, there is something I have to know?”, his interest has spiked up at that sudden mystery.

“Yeah… I met someone”.

“Oh, please do tell me!! You know I want to know everything”. Seunghoon can picture Jinwoo sitting somewhere, his elbows on his knees as he clings onto his phone and smiles at the idea of romance. Typical Jinwoo.

“Well, he's… he… I think you would like him”. He tries to find the words without getting worked up at the thought of Seungyoon. He doesn't want to sound like he hates the guy. “He's handsome and tall enough… a bit crazy, I think, maybe a little annoying too, no, I mean, he just talks a lot without thinking too much, I mean, he's a musician, a singer, and he has a rock band. Yep. They kinda rock - ok, that was lame. He's just…”

“Oh, I see. I completely… I see!!”, Jinwoo screeches through the phone and Seunghoon is now totally awake, no extra black coffee needed. “I think you should bring him to our wedding, Hoonie, he might be your soulmate, no, I'm quite sure of it!”

“What the-”, he almost blurts out, even if that was his plan all along. “Please, let's not start the whole Disney drama in the morning”.

“It's past noon, dude. And I'm not Disney-ing anyone here! It's just plainly obvious”.

Seunghoon rolls his eyes to the sky but listens nevertheless. There is nothing he can say to stop Kim Jinwoo at this point.

“First of all, he's handsome. You usually just say someone is cute or attractive - that's an improvement” “I was blindly lying, please forgive me, Your Majesty” “I won't accept a no as an answer - He's handsome and he can keep up with you!! You're such an annoying cunt, Hoonie, you never let them talk, I don't know how they could even date you… that Jihoon and, whatshisname, they were such spineless brats” “Wow, you're horrible, both to me and my dates”. 

Jinwoo ignores him completely to carry on: “And he's a rocker, you really need to rejuvenate a bit, you were dating such boring men, Hoonie, it must have been even difficult to get har-” “We are not talking about this at breakfast!” “It's LUNCH time! You need a Full Meal! Anyways I'm just happy for you, my darling, I'm sure he'll be ex-plo-sive! He'll do you so much good” “I'd rather kill him” “Stop being annoying, Seunghoon, this made my day, my life is restored, yes, I'm sure I will be able to face another day of satin and linen and I don't even know what other fabric we might encounter - or was it the cake tasting? I'm so confused by this whole wedding… you'd do so much better, I know”.

Seunghoon sighs and smiles patiently, shaking his head at himself because he's clearly too good for this world. His dates just didn't see that in him, or maybe he was never dedicated enough to people that weren't Jinwoo. “Hyung, you will be perfect. You don't have to worry, all that stuff is not important, I bet they won't let you choose any of the flowers and tablecloths and whatever you might need for the wedding… you just have to be there. You'll pass with flying colors. You'll be a great spouse, certainly the most good-looking one in our country”.

“You're such a sweetheart, darling, you should let it show a bit more”, Jinwoo chides, sounding already happier. Sometimes he just needs to hear a few words of encouragement to find back the smile.

“People are blind”, he jokes, “You more than anyone else, hyung”.

“What kind of nonsense, I know everything. Will you bring him to the wedding, then? We need to increase the ratio of beauty in the room, I think”.

“What”, Seunghoon giggles, and it hurts like all the other times, just that this time it's not as sharp, dimmed by the fact he has a plan going on. He won't let Jinwoo see he's wrecked by how things are unfolding - it's not power, it's not weakness, he just doesn't want Jinwoo to worry for him or his well-being. “Of course I'll bring him, he's my plus one”.

“I count on it”.

  
  


Seunghoon finds himself spending that Sunday morning (afternoon, really) at home. He plays Seungyoon’s album once again, the lyrics comforting him like no human being could do. Unrequited love, loneliness, alienation, jealousy, bitterness, these clashing feelings inside his heart that he can't quite pinpoint - everything that's bad, everything that's good in all those emotions he has bottled up in those years, it's all toned down by the music blasting in the room. He can sense the optimism in those songs, the upturn even in the darker verses, like an hymn to life and what's beautiful. 

In the end, after he has danced out all his dissatisfaction and frustration, he collapses on the floor. He's a little more at peace, as if this were the first step to finally move on. 

Jinwoo is getting married, soon, soon, and he has to live with it. Maybe he can't see it now, but one day he might fall in love again - and he hopes this time he won't be as helpless as now, because that would be asking too much of him.

He takes a shower in the evening and walks Haute around. The city seems asleep in the dying orange hues of the sunset, like a beast resting after a big fight. Everyone has their own battles, and Seunghoon doesn't like losing his. 

  
  


Thursday it's another busy day and Seunghoon rushes to Seungyoon’s place during his lunch break. He's not fond of sandwiches but he has one hanging between his lips when he reaches his apartment, too preoccupied to have time for any proper meal.

“Op ‘n”, he yells at Seungyoon from the car window and the rocker plops on the seat with a sympathetic “Hello”.

“You should take your time to eat that”, he comments, fastening his seatbelt. “You might choke over some bread”.

“ue dun’ ‘ve t--”.

“We don't have time, I know, but this is disgusting, just park your fancy car somewhere and eat this sandwich before I tackle you like a good old metal soul”.

“Please”, Seunghoon wheezes, a tomato stuck in his throat. He coughs frantically. “Don't tell me you mosh - You're way too posh for anything like that, heavy metal my ass”.

“I'm outraged”, Seungyoon smirks, looking amused more than anything else. “Just because I tried my best to not scare you, you now think I'm not much of a rocker”.

Seunghoon can't help the laugh. “You wouldn't hurt a fly - and I'm not someone who gets scared”.

“Right, you're invincible, aren't you?”

Seunghoon shakes his head in amusement, finishing his sandwich in two bites. He stares at Seungyoon, wearing a red sweater dotted by holes of various sizes and leather trousers with zippers and little drawings sewed to the fabric. “You think this is  _ friendly _ ? Not an attempt to actually murder someone? You'd definitely scare an old lady to death, you have no respect for life”.

“You haven't seen the chokers, the spikes, the black nail polish, all the clothes darker than my soul, this is nothing”, he keeps smiling, having the time of his life. “But don't think it's all appearance, what matters is what's inside” “Yeah, you wouldn't hurt a fly, like I said” “But I would tackle you, just for the sake of proving my point”.

“You're… so … freaking annoying”, Seunghoon sighs, forehead on the steering wheel in desolation. “Don't you ever stop talking? Won't you submit to your hyung? You should respect your elders”.

“Oh, I do respect ancient people, grandpas and all… I respect your attempt of truce, even if that means you admit defeat, ahjussi”, Seungyoon chuckles and Seunghoon cranes his neck to object, no way he would do that, to be met by another one of his smiles.

“What now?”, Seunghoon can't hide his annoyance in his voice and he doesn't care to coax it. Fuck it.

Seungyoon leans forward, a hand on the steering wheel and another on the brakes. They're suddenly too close, the faint memory of the other night hovering over them, and Seunghoon tries to hide his discomfort. “Hyung, you haven't started the car. We haven't even moved. You said we were late… you shouldn't lose your focus, even if I know I'm that interesting”.

Damnit, he’s gonna-

 

Seunghoon has never contemplated murder before, but he has come to believe it’s the only way to reaffirm his authority - what’s better than the law of the jungle, when nothing else seems to stop the too eager and spry person that is his presumed partner? He has to admit Seungyoon has the advantage of the youth and their stubborn energy, and to top it all he has an incredible way with words - that’s probably why Seunghoon finds it so hard to win him once and for all, unlike his past opponents - so that it’s impossible to overpower him for more than a moment. He will always clap back, shameless about it like the freaking flirt he is.

So, violence is more than justified, it’s the only mean to reach Seunghoon’s goal. Of course, he’d have to wait for after the wedding because Jinwoo already knows all about Seungyoon and can’t wait to meet him, and Seunghoon can’t do anything about it. 

When did he even become such an helpless man? 

This is distressing, to say it nicely. It’s driving him crazy, to be honest once and for all. 

He sighs at his own reflection in the mirror. He’s looking mighty fine, donning the suit he’ll wear at the wedding, grey cotton fabric wrapping around him in the most beautiful of ways, dark lines all pleasing to the eyes, his hair pulled back like usual. He should feel comforted by it, but he’s annoyed by this whole situation to the point of having no pleasure in that. He almost wishes this could end all in a flicker of the eye, in a painless instant, with no more lies, no more fake smiles, no more brats playing with him just because they can.

Seunghoon shrugs his shoulders, almost laughing at himself. He’s helpless - a helpless liar, because if he has to admit it he actually has fun when he’s challenged like this. It makes his blood boil for victory, for one definitive and immortal. He can’t help but already dream its taste on his tongue.

“Are you ready, or do I have to get inside to get a glimpse of my man?”, Seungyoon says behind the curtain, his tone always flirty and carefree. 

He’s not winning this time, or ever. 

Seunghoon comes out of the changing room with confidence, but he’s met by the same wide smile that accompanied him for the past two weeks. Not a sign of distress, not a glimpse of weakness is seen on Seungyoon’s face, but Seunghoon can feel himself changing his expression as he quickly scan the man in front of him.

Seungyoon would totally make a whole department fall head over heels for him. Seunghoon’s entire team would go on about it for days, talking and whispering and scheming to find anything worth of notice about a certain Kang Seungyoon; if ever he were a new recruit in their agency, of course. He seems to be born to wear a suit, his skinny body fitting perfectly in such fine fabrics, shining of a new light in dark grey cotton, in tight trousers and a well-fit jacket, and a shirt all buttoned up to his collar. 

“You like it?”, Seungyoon chuckles in enjoyment, mirth in his eyes and mischief in his smile. Seunghoon can feel the annoyance rising up in his chest, but it’s well mixed with other feels - he thinks he might fall for him too, in the scenario of a Seungyoon hired by his agency, if he didn’t know how much of a pain in the ass he is. He’s rather handsome, when quiet.

“Well… you look good”, Seunghoon admits and he’s surprised to see the reaction on Seungyoon’s face, the genuine shock that turns in a pleased timid smile.

“I thought you lied all the time, had no idea you had some sincerity in you. Kudos to you for growing up a bit”, he jokes.

“Adults never say the truth, you haven’t learnt”, Seunghoon says without any harshness. He lets it unfold for now. “I think you know it well enough, though. You’re always trying so hard to win me over with all that unnecessary flirting, you know how to fake it”.

“That’s just how I am, nothing personal, don’t think so highly of yourself”, Seungyoon chuckles and Seunghoon just has to follow him this time. He’s distracted by how good he looks, he thinks, and when Seungyoon comes closer to him to compare their suits, he’s also reminded of the memory of a kiss he better erase. 

It really didn’t mean anything, because he did it just to stop that smile on Seungyoon’s face, to have final power over him, even just for a moment. It wasn’t really a kiss, now that he thinks about it. 

Seunghoon wants to try again, to see if that’s the real solution to all his problems. He stares at Seungyoon checking the hem of their sleeves, and he’s struck by the only thing that make him still Seungyoon. A dress can’t cover that messy hair, almost a nest of curls, and the earrings dangling from his ears whenever he moves his head.

“It’s remarkable how different you look, and yet you manage to have something of yours even in the most generic of outfits”, he rises a hand to his cheek, the thumb meeting with his ear lobe as he catches the earring between his fingers. “So many people lose all of their identity behind a suit, like it was just another uniform, a way to fit within the crowd without ever standing out…”

Seungyoon blushes, maybe at his words, maybe at his touch. He stutters when he wants to answer back and Seunghoon can’t help the grin.

“You really like compliments, don’t you? Do you want a boyfriend to dote on you this much?”, he has fun teasing him, his thumb fondling his ear tenderly. 

“I-I know what game you’re playing - d-don’t worry, I won’t be swayed by such blatant hypocrisy, you have to try harder”, Seungyoon grabs at his hand to pull it down, their eyes meeting for a moment. 

Seunghoon can already taste the victory, the rush of elation it will give him.  

He drags Seungyoon inside the changing room without even thinking, but then he halts at the thought of what he should do next. The ride to power is a slippery road full of dangers, even more when someone else is involved, and Seunghoon has to face the fact that he might be going overboard just to have control over someone that doesn’t even matter to him.

He has lost it once and for all, he reasons. 

Seunghoon stops in his tracks and Seungyoon regains his composure in that lapse of time. He looks around at the spacious changing room, Seunghoon’s clothes folded in a corner. 

Now he speaks calmly, without any of the embarrassment of a moment before. “I’ve been thinking, unlike yourself, and my conclusion is that we should really stop beating around the bush and take some action. Let's take a selfie”.

“A selfie?”, this time is Seunghoon the one surprised, but he doesn’t show it. “I see, you think that would be the ultimate proof of us dating... yeah, I guess... nowadays everyone’s life is on SNS, nothing is real unless it’s shared”.

“That’s exactly my point”.

“I’m not someone who overshares, I know where to draw a line”, Seunghoon states like it’s something that Seungyoon has to know. Just to cry it at loud: he’s absolutely sane and in control.

“That’s not important”, Seungyoon grabs at his tie to fix the knot, apparently unfazed. He doesn’t meet Seunghoon’s eye, though. “You’re in love, we  _ are _ in love, of course we want to boast about it, wouldn’t we?”

“Of course”, Seunghoon concedes and fishes for his phone in his trousers. 

He raises his arm to have a good angle and they come closer to fit in the screen. It feels awkward and Seungyoon reproaches him for looking too stiff, leaning closer to hug him and shaking him violently, a laugh rising to his lips as Seunghoon tries to loosen up. Seunghoon hugs him tighter to pay him back and leans his head closer to Seungyoon’s to be cheek to cheek. 

They take few photos like that, smiling widely. Seungyoon is warm against him, a kind of warmth Seunghoon hasn't felt in a long while, and he can’t help but tease Seungyoon at the thought of having him act up again. Instead of cheeks touching, Seunghoon presses his lips on his skin, snapping another photo and rejoicing when he can see the blush on Seungyoon’s face. 

Few shots are good enough to be posted and Seungyoon is amused to see that Seunghoon knows how to modify pictures. “I might be a grandpa to you but it’s my area of expertise”, Seunghoon chides as he changes the setting of exposure and saturation and puts a filter on it.

“I was just teasing, I know you’re up-to-date, unless it involves texting… but even more, I thought you would never agree to listen to our music, to actually like it... you must have decent taste after all”, Seungyoon giggles at his side. He also keeps listing nice captions to add under the picture. 

“You're so full of yourself”.

“We gotta be, we must love what we are born with, don’t we?”

Seunghoon obviously agrees. He has learnt this much throughout his life. 

“ _ Couple look _ would be a good hashtag”, Seungyoon suggests with a tiny smile. “Imagine if we had some matching accessories for the wedding, it would be nice”. 

Seunghoon nods absent-mindedly, focused on something else. Seungyoon is still at his side and he's surprised to feel the need to pull him closer - they were in the same position the other night, sitting instead of standing but shoulder to shoulder, and he can’t help but thinking… wondering, truly - going back to what matters to him, his primordial need of overpower him. That’s how Seunghoon establishes any relationship with what’s foreign to him, so he justifies this desire with the fact he’s like this with everyone. 

Is this the solution he has been looking for to get Seungyoon’s in the palm of his hand? Would Seungyoon sway if he repeated the same action, would he let his guard down again? Is it power Seunghoon wants, or just to see this specific someone bending under him? 

“I guess you might want to show you're stronger than you are with all this reenactment, but so do I”, Seungyoon keeps chattering in earnest, with honesty in his eyes. “I need to give hope to my bandmates, and people must believe in me if they want to follow me. I couldn't lead anyone if they didn't trust me. I guess you’re just the same, just struggling to show you’re functioning despite hurting”. 

Seunghoon wants to agree to that too -  _ doesn’t want to, he can’t show that side  _ \- but there is a thought at the back of his mind that distracts him: can he afford to be this reckless when someone else is involved? Can he stretch it to such extent, play with Seungyoon just because he craves to have such power on him? Is this allowed? 

“-ey, hey! Are you listening to me?”, Seungyoon grumbles, bringing him back to reality. “If you get distracted you won’t get your cue to disagree with everything I say, then what’s the point?”

Seunghoon shakes his head, a hand of his going to cradle Seungyoon’s cheek. He can see the bewilderment in his eyes, uncertainty written all over his face; but not disgust, not loathing.

“You don’t hate it, don’t you?”, Seunghoon whispers as he leans closer.

“I know what game you’re playing”, Seungyoon says again in a whisper, no fight, no bite in it, almost like an admission of surrender. He’s incredibly pliant, not at all like he always is when they bicker. Seunghoon chuckles against his lips, and then they kiss. 

This time there is no alcohol involved and Seunghoon wasn’t really provoked, unless Seungyoon’s existence can be considered a provocation by itself, so he has no hurry. Seunghoon is experimenting: he wants to see and feel that surrender, taste his own victory, witness his effect on Seungyoon.

His lips are soft, he reckons, plump and nice to bite, and he’s surprised to feel Seungyoon yielding to him. Seunghoon loses the ability to think after the first seconds, when Seungyoon’s tongue brushes his own, and they somehow end against a wall, limbs tangled in a tight embrace. Seungyoon tastes good, Seunghoon  _ feels  _ more than thinking, he’s warm and his mouth wet and addicting, his hair is soft under his palms - he smells good, somehow sweet but not revoltingly so, and Seunghoon is almost aroused, his body balanced between the wall and Seungyoon, his legs pressed against Seungyoon’s. 

The kiss breaks and starts again, even if they’re now craving for air. He can feel Seungyoon’s hands clinging at his hips, bruising and demanding, and a moan escapes Seunghoon’s mouth. The surprise is too big for Seunghoon to continue; he’s aware of being suddenly vulnerable to his own plan, so he avoids the next kiss by tilting his head on the side. 

Seungyoon withdraws just an inch, groaning for the loss of contact. His half-lidded eyes are now full of something that’s finally not self-assurance or playfulness: there is lust and a desire to please, there is an answer to Seunghoon’s question. A victory of some sort, a breach through Seungyoon’s thick skin. 

“Do you think they heard us?”, Seungyoon giggles, breathless. He’s flushed in red and pliable under Seunghoon’s hand, moving away when Seunghoon pushes him on the side and tries to regain his composure. Seungyoon doesn’t complain, he doesn’t tease him, like a very good boy.

“Well, I guess they’ll think it’s us who is marrying at the end of this month”.

  
  


Seunghoon has tons of ideas that can be used to promote the band. As usual, when inspiration kicks in it's hard to set it back, and he succumbs to it despite all the prior appointments and works he has to attend. He fills every free moment with this project, sending updates to Kang Seungyoon even when he's tempted to tease him some more. Seungyoon always sounds enthusiastic about everything related to work, and doesn’t antagonize him unless it’s something he doesn’t approve in its entirety. 

Seunghoon is not sure of what triggers this avalanche of emotions and ideas - the fact he’s basically breathing, living, sleeping with their music on, their lyrics echoing in his mind, or the fact he can still remember Seungyoon against him, his warmth, his lips over his - a kind of feeling that’s gut-driven, that burns just like inspiration does, creeping under his skin to wreck his insides. 

Whether it’s rational or not, Seunghoon doesn’t fight it. He feels incredibly alive and self-aware, awake in a feverish dream of ideas waiting to be converted in something tangible. That’s how he does his best work. 

  
  


“So, someone told me you're having fun pestering youngsters around you, like a bitter grandpa who hasn't got laid in a decade”. Mino smiles over his bowl of bibimbap, shamelessly.

“When was my last fuck is none of your business, and for your information it wasn't longer than few months ago”, Seunghoon hisses, defensive. “And before you mock me, you’ll understand me when you start working in a big corporation. You have no time to breathe”. 

“Oh dear, you're really getting old… being busy is your excuse? Next thing we know, you'll get a dog and call him your child and that will be your fam- oh, guess what”, Mino grins and he truly deserves a punch in his face.

“If you don't apologize to Haute I’ll have to behead Jhonny”. Mino’s grimace is enough to make Seunghoon burst in laughter.

“Ok, I am sorry, I truly am! But let me know, what happened then? Friendly blowjobs? The healthy and common handjob?”, he inquires with food stuffed in his mouth, almost choking at Seunghoon’s silence. “Don’t tell me! You went all the way? Seungyoon won’t tell me the details, but I Know…”

Seungyoon must have hinted something to Mino, that’s for sure, and Seunghoon doesn’t know how he feels about it. It makes him grin because he’s clearly winning their game, and he has now the power of affecting him to such extent, but he also wonders if there is more to this momentary elation. 

“Why do you want me to fuck so much, if you want me you should just say it”, he jokes around, twirling the glass of water in his hand. Mino looks exasperated. 

“God, no. We're friends, friends without any benefit. But for Seungyoon…”

“What about Seungyoon?”

“Ah. So you care enough to ask, at least”.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, I could go on without knowing”, he blatantly lies and Mino sighs into his bowl, well aware of his tricks.

“Well, I don't know much, I just know you're an asshole - if you like him you should be open about it, what’s the point of all these games anyways”.

“Me? Liking that brat? This is the most nonsensical shit you've said, and you’ve said tons, I can assure you”, Seunghoon doesn’t even care if Mino is talking bad of him for once, he’s mostly offended by the silly misconception of him liking Kang Seungyoon.

“Please, I know how you roll. We are friends, I know your view of the world: it’s all a matter of those who have power and those who don’t, and you think this applies to love as well. But then, you’re completely powerless to Jinwoo. You have been for years, and maybe you could have had a happy ending with someone else if it wasn’t for you sticking to Jinwoo all this time”, Mino takes a long breath to continue and Seunghoon isn’t sure if he wants to hear what’s next. “You keep me as your friend because you know I won’t ask for much, I won’t betray you just to have control over you. It’s ok to me, we have fun. But it’s always the same, you just don’t want to get hurt yet you hurt others in the process... I guess you must feel in danger with Seungyoon; he’s dangerous, isn't he? Very gay, very handsome, very talented…”

“That’s bullshit - well, yes, I’ll tell you: we kissed, but that means nothing”. Seunghoon admits with spite, like he hates the thought of it. Mino seems amused by such confession.

“Well, you can say what you want - you can tell me you’re trying to win Seungyoon over so he’ll be a good puppet in your hands, but what would make you? A heartless asshole? I think there is more to it and if I'm wrong I'm willing to pay you a week of Haute’s food”.

“You overestimate me, Mino. Making me such a romantic… but that’s a bet”, Seunghoon grins, suddenly more interested like every time money is involved. “Then, let’s do a month”.

“You’re greedy, a week it’s fine”.

“Two weeks? This or nothing”.

“Ok then… but just because I know I'm right, and you can’t do anything about it”.

Seunghoon doubts Mino has ever been right about something. 

  
  


The next day Seungyoon and band are officially invited to Seunghoon’s office to check out some of his ideas to promote them. He has laid out a whole presentation with many possible items and solutions for them. Mainly, he thinks they need TV exposure, and after that they will be able to gain a bigger fanbase and the general public’s interest, since their music is true quality.

The meeting goes smoothly and everyone is satisfied with the results, and Seunghoon can't help but notice that the whole band is as noisy as Seungyoon can be when it’s the two of them, so it really must be their age. And the enthusiasm they have for this project.

It's something nice to see, because despite everything Seunghoon knows what passion is - he's realistic in everything he does and always has two feet on the ground, but he has experienced that kind of creativity himself. He just knows that dreaming is not enough, that you need to work hard to achieve it all, and he can see that kind of fire in these guys.

He also can’t help but notice how silent Seungyoon seems, almost dulled down by the rest of the group. He reasons there is something going on today, because the last time he saw the band Seungyoon wasn’t like this at all, and that’s confirmed when Seungyoon is more permissive and pliant to what Seunghoon says. Maybe his plan really worked, and Seunghoon almost feels like he's missing something at once, all the spice and fun. He’s always a living contradiction.

When they finish talking business, Seungyoon asks him to speak alone, pulling him away from the group with a hand on his forearm. They move to another room, just next to his office. There is a sort of excited embarrassment in the way Seungyoon asks Seunghoon for his time, somehow endearing and sincere. 

“What’s up?”, Seunghoon questions when they’re alone, at last. 

Seungyoon’s lips quirk in a small smile, a flash of teeth and red cheeks, and then he grabs a little velvety box from his bag. “You know what I said last time, I… I thought it would be nice to have something more at the wedding. Not just plain boring suits”. 

Seunghoon opens the box to find two pairs of cufflinks with red hardstones and obsidian, nicely put together to shape in spiking scales, a bit like dragon skin. They’re matching, like a set that can’t be complete if not together.

“You asked Mino”, Seunghoon says and he’s taken aback by his own voice, a gentle whisper instead of his usually self-guarded tone. He understands now why Mino was demanding to know what’s going on between them, why he had jumped to such conclusions… 

“Well, you know he has a talent for such crafts”, Seungyoon admits. “Do you like them?”

Seunghoon takes one in his hands, stares at the silver frame keeping the stones together, and wonders where on Earth has Seungyoon found the money for this. He can bet with unnerving precision that Seungyoon is someone that loves doting on his special one, as much as he loves being pampered. 

Seunghoon raises his eyes from the cufflink to meet Seungyoon’s expectant stare. He can almost taste it - his victory, the rush of blood to Seungyoon’s cheeks, and… how powerless Seunghoon feels. 

The defeat of his own heart, when it sways for Seungyoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seungyoon would sell his own ass (?!?!?!) to buy nice things to his loved one, he's an obvious guy.  
> I also want to say sorry again bc it took ONE MONTH omg ?? I will try my best to finish the story in a shorter span of time?   
> I also think that Jinwoo is Victor from Yuri!!! oN ICE


	3. Chapter 3

 

_ “I need a drink”. _

_ “Let’s do two, three, a tons”. _

Seunghoon is not surprised by Mino’s answer - he suspects that kid drinks way too much, just like every other guy of his age in this country - but he’s pleased to know he will have company tonight.

In the past weeks he has been in need of that a little more than he likes. Seunghoon is someone who solves his problems by his own and never asks for help, but it’s just true that there is something to loneliness that can’t be defeated by being alone. Being alone means being boundless, and not having limits is dangerous; so he seeks for company to not cross any boundary he has set for himself.  

Almost a month ago he was breaking down because of Jinwoo getting married, and now… he can’t even believe it himself. It’s not something he would easily accept, just like any other ugly truth he doesn’t like to acknowledge, and yet he knows that kind of feeling gripping at his guts. 

It’s dangerous to be emotional, he thinks, the most dangerous of things when he’s a grown-up with a life apparently in control. Now there is no big sister to cover for him if he makes a mistake, no schoolmates to take the guilt for a wrongdoing - not that he liked that, anyways,  _ relying on others,  _ but it’s an era that ended ages ago. 

He finds Mino at the tent they usually go to, a bottle of soju already opened on the table. Mino pours him a drink with a tiny smile. 

“Did you have a good day?”, Seunghoon asks after a first shot, his throat burning for the alcohol. 

“Nothing special occurred, it was quite boring. I worked a bit though, it was rewarding at least - no inspiration but good old money”, Mino talks with his eyes on the alcohol, with no rush in his words. He downs another glass, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and then stares at him with a knowing grin. “About work... did you see what Seungyoon commissioned me?” 

Seunghoon shrugs his shoulders, keeps it apparently cool. “That kid... knows what respect is, after all. I thought he would keep antagonising me, but turns out he has good manners”.

“He’s a sweetheart, if you let him… I’m sure you were just your annoying self all this time, and despite it all he came up with that, imagine if you were being civil for a change”.

“I don’t need to play it nice, it’s a business deal, no curtsy for those involved”.

Mino sighs into the glass, and Seunghoon is quite sure he has sold himself well. No way Mino would suspect him of any sort of affection now, no matter how hard he tried to impose it onto Seunghoon last time. He has to play dirty: there is his honour on stake, and even more two weeks of Haute’s food for free. 

They drink a little more, talking of anything. Mino says he wants to get another tattoo, a big fat OXYGEN on his hip, says he can’t help but feeling like a itch he can’t satisfy without getting inked once more. Seunghoon suggests he gets a “I LOVE DICKS” written on his forehead, to skip any preliminary next time he tries to hook with someone, and Mino admits that would also save his face from a lot of wrong guesses.

“The straights would just run away in fear I’d deflower their asses, that would save a ton of time”, he giggles and Seunghoon sneers.

“So, you never told me... have you known Seungyoon a long time?”, Seunghoon casually asks, pouring more soju in Mino’s glass. After all the alcohol they ingested, he gotta talk. “You didn’t really mention him before, andl you have so many friends it’s easy to lose the count”.

“True friends, a few. People love to think that just because I’m laid back then I’ll just befriend anyone - sure, we can have fun together, but that’s not the point at all”, Mino rambles and pours more soju in their glasses. “Seungyoon, though... well, we are friends now. It didn’t start that way, though. We had a fling”.

Mino grins widely when Seunghoon jolts before he can control it, trying to hide it with a fit of coughs. “Nothing out of the ordinary, don’t worry, but Seungyoon is not the type for such things, he’s a serious guy, and I’m not”.

“Well, he's a flirt”, Seunghoon deadpans, recounting all the times Seungyoon chirped in his way, all round smiles and soft eyes.

“That means nothing, he's like that to animals and rocks and girls and boys and just anyone really, it’s part of his nature as much as you wear wit as your second skin. You can’t fight nature. You can’t just ask Kang Seungyoon to not flirt with every living being”.

Seunghoon stills, without any good clapback to that. It’s not like he didn’t suspect that possibility, after all, but he had loathed the guy all the same, thinking Seungyoon would want to smooth down the process with a little safe flirtation, when it actually meant nothing personal. Seunghoon had just miscalculated, making a fool of himself. 

“Are you sad? Did you think you were special? Seungyoon doesn’t kiss asses that easily - well, unless you ask nicely, then he’s very good at-”

“I don’t wanna know”, Seunghoon shouts before Mino keeps talking.

“Or maybe you want to find it out for yourself”, Mino gulps down another shot of soju like it’s plain water. “I mean, if you really want to try I’m sure Seungyoon is willing. I have no idea what he finds in you, but people don’t get customized cufflinks if they don’t mean it”. 

“Well, I can be serious if I want, unlike you... I can offer stability, maybe he’s after my apartment”, Seunghoon blabbers, not really looking into Mino’s eyes. He doesn’t want him to see the spark of hope growing in him, he doesn’t want Mino to notice that he’s feeling something more than simple distaste. “Rent mortgages are a pain in the ass for you all, you youngsters, he might be after my belongings and try to kill me in my sleep”.

“Hentai doodles of yaoi boys and half-bitten dog toys, what a collection”, Mino mutters with a grin that deserves a good slap. Seunghoon wants to fight, he has the right to do so, but Mino speaks before he can counterattack. “But hey, serious guy, no need of pointing out all the reasons why you’re that good, this is not a dick-measuring contest… even if that was the case, Seungyoon would win among us”.

He winks, and Seunghoon really didn’t want to know. 

Mino can’t complain when Seunghoon kicks his shin with all his might and stuffs his mouth with dried squid.

“Hope you choke on this instead of dicks”.

  
  
  


Seunghoon mulls over it for a long while, from work to home, from home to the park and the way back, and truly as the rational person he is (most of the time, at least) there is no way out of what he might be feeling. He just can’t say it’s more than a miscalculation, an interpretation that may be equally right or wrong, but he can’t be certain it’s something substantial, something he can bet on without hesitation. 

He just doesn’t know, how far he’s got into this. He can’t possibly know, without any counterproof. 

It just might be a glitch, a short-lived disease, a need he didn’t acknowledge before - of being liked and liking back - not before Jinwoo broke his heart without moving a finger, not before Seunghoon broke his own heart for not being able to control his emotions. After the hole left by something that had filled him for years, wouldn’t it be natural he would grab the first person he meets, the first hand that’s reaching out for him? 

Maybe Seunghoon has overestimated himself once more, thinking he’s immune to what everyone else feels. He has just lied himself he didn’t need that in his life.

So it might be a glitch, after all, a virus called Kang Seungyoon that means nothing more than a cold he will overcome in two days. He’ll be back to normal after he shakes it off.

He has to check, that’s the only thing he can think of as a solution. 

  
  
  


Seunghoon can’t believe he’s doing it. 

Within few weeks he has already broke his secret code of rules he sticks to all the time, that thing that has kept him alive since he was eighteen and decided to move from Busan to Seoul without much in his pockets beside the hunger of doing something big with his life, the determination of being more than anyone else would expect him to be. 

Those rules has kept him floating for so long, has made him an adult like anyone else, and he’s now spitting on them once more, while cursing Mino for dragging him in this mess. If only he didn’t listen to him, that night, and didn’t accept to meet Kang Seungyoon…

Seunghoon is gonna make a fool of himself. Low-key, without anyone knowing, but he  _ will _ know, and that’s more than enough. 

He has texted Seungyoon without much context -  _ “Let’s meet at the park at 4pm”  _ \- and he’s now expecting him with regret hanging over his head.

Haute is running around, the leash loose on him as he loves to wander but tight in Seunghoon’s hand, and Seunghoon follows him with his eyes as the dog leaps and dips and comes back to get few cuddles now and then. 

Seunghoon can’t help but feeling antsy as time passes, and quite annoyed as well, but the bubble of disappointment vanishes when he sees a sweaty Seungyoon running toward him. His first reaction would be more stingy than what he actually says, a lot like what he told Seungyoon the first time they met, but this time he refrains. 

“What now, did you run here after saving the city, Spider boy? Did you even take the time to breathe?”

Seungyoon smiles between puffs and pants. “Oh, MJ, the boys... they wouldn’t just let me go... I was a tad busy, you know, I wouldn’t mind you telling me why you wanted to see me so urgently”.

Seunghoon hands him a tissue to wipe the sweat away and Seungyoon grabs at his hand to pull it on his cheek, and it would be disgusting if Seunghoon wasn’t so focused on Seungyoon’s pleased grin and the way his eyes flutters when Seunghoon brushes his forehead. 

“Urgently is not the word I’d use, really”, he scoffs, a smile threatening to break his aplomb.

“Everything is urgent with you, you wouldn’t forgive me if I’m late again, thinking I have no respect for elders... I think ahjussis are a holy institution in our society”, a dare in his eyes, like he’s waiting for Seunghoon to bite back. 

Damnit, boy. The power he is unwillingly having on Seunghoon; the gall he has to play Seunghoon’s game as his equal. “Then you should kneel down”, he suggests and can’t help the grin when Seungyoon can’t hide the blush on his face. 

“That’s not part of our dea- that’s a dog!”, he yells when Haute gallops toward them, his mouth closed around something that looks a lot like a ball they don’t own. Seunghoon stoops to catch it, struggling to take it from Haute’s bite, and then he throws it back to the couple playing with their chihuahua just few meters away. They thank him with a bow.

Haute noses into his hand, his tail wiggling happily as Seunghoon pats his head, and for a moment Seungyoon is forgotten. 

“You have a dog”, he gushes, stooping down with the biggest smile. Seunghoon feels affected in ways he shouldn’t. “I didn’t think you would have a pet”.

“Did you really think I’m that heartless?”, Seunghoon dares him, staring into Seungyoon’s eyes. 

“Well, not really, I just thought you’d love people to believe so”, Seungyoon is triumphant, big smile on his face that Seunghoon wishes to erase, but he’s too taken aback to utter a word. He can’t say it’s a lie.

“So, what’s its name?”, Seungyoon continues, shifting on his feet to come a little closer to them, a wavering hand reaching out for Haute. The dog sniffs it with interest, wet nose burrowing into Seungyoon’s palm. His long red fingers move to pet the crown of Haute’s head. 

“His name is Haute, he’s an Italian greyhound. He’s as elegant and handsome as his dad, with long lithe limbs and fashionable clothes… the best dog in the whole park”, Seunghoon brags like he’s used to, even if once out of ten he’s stared at like he’s talking bullshit. Mino laughed at him, even if he’s not better when Jhonny the Princess is involved. Jinwoo was so unfazed he decided he preferred a beer over Haute.

Unsurprisingly, Seungyoon nods at everything he says and even baby talks to Haute to agree that he’s indeed the best dressed dog ever, and the most handsome as well. Haute is clearly pleased to hear such enthusiasm in his voice and wiggles his tail in happiness, looking back at his owner to seek for his approval, and Seunghoon can’t help the smile.

Seungyoon catches that exchange with the corner of his eye, his hands busy cuddling Haute’s little frame, and he beams back at Seunghoon in earnest. His plump lips thin into that smile, a flash of white teeth and cheerfulness that Seunghoon  _ feels _ right into his bones, into his guts, at the base of his belly. 

He stays quiet for a while, sitting down on the grass as he looks at Seungyoon playing with Haute, and then teasing Haute when the dog gets back to him - “you traitor, do you like him so much?”, he whispers into his ears, brushing his cheeks and head with warm hands -, feeling entirely at peace for half a hour. He stares at Seungyoon rolling on the grass with Haute, and then grabbing the dog and pulling him into his lap to give him quick pecks on his head. 

The boy really likes his dog, Seunghoon reasons, he truly wants to win him over just like that. That’s not fair, even if it was Seunghoon himself setting this trap.

Seungyoon seems aware of his intruding eyes because, when Haute goes back to Seunghoon’s lap to rest after too much playing, he can’t hide the excitement in his words. “Don’t you think we are cute? You kept looking, were we that kind of adorable?”

And it’s Seunghoon’s turn to blush, since he has been caught in his own scheme. “Yes, both of you”, he complies, just because he knows Seungyoon will be affected by such compliment, and he’s satisfied to see the tinge of red on Seungyoon’s cheeks as he pouts and giggles in nervousness.

Maybe this is a draw, more than a complete defeat.

  
  


The afternoon slowly turns chiller and they get up to walk to a café nearby that Seunghoon knows lets dogs inside. Seungyoon confirmed he has plenty of time before he has to go back to the studio, so Seunghoon tries to save his face with the discussion he can’t avoid to have at this point.

“So, Kim Jinwoo”, he utters reluctantly, his eyes fixed on the americano in his hands, hot enough to burn his tongue if he tastes it.

“He is your Achille’s heel”, Seungyoon says from the other side of their tiny table, all focused on mixing the cinnamon he added to his vanilla latte. Seunghoon notices the quirk of his lips, the smile he can’t stop.

Haute is lying down between their feet, and Seunghoon thinks it’s too damn familiar, too intimate for what they really _ don’t _ have at this point of their one-month deal. He takes a deep breath before answering.

“I guess everyone has one”, he struggles to admit, not so pleased to be talking of such things even if he has to.

“Even someone like you”, Seungyoon points out and Seunghoon has the instinct to fight to protect his own pride, but he just scoffs silently. 

“Just like you would sell your free time for your band’s success, I have my own thing to protect… you might think whatever you want of that, it doesn’t mean it’ll change the factuality of this situation”. Seunghoon can’t change his own need of making everything look fine from outside, the need of being perfectly in control as much as the need to protect Jinwoo from his own heartbreak, but that’s not something Seungyoon has to know for now. Or maybe ever. 

“Jinwoo is a friend I’ve known since high school and he’ll get married this weekend, like you already know. He’s just… a nice person”. Seungyoon waits for more, not rushing Seunghoon to talk further, and he’s grateful for that. “Well, I don’t think you need to know much about us, but... he’s just genuine, he’s genuine in all he does and says. So I feel I am obliged to tell you he’s convinced we are fated to be together”.

Seunghoon didn’t expect the laugh, but it makes all the sense in the world in retrospective and he can’t help the snickering. “Yes, I know, he’s always been a bit crazy”.

“He thinks what?”, Seungyoon hides his mouth behind his hands, eyes glistening in amusement. He is - beautiful, Seunghoon thinks before he can stop. “What did you even tell him?”, Seungyoon seems even more cheerful than he has ever been, and Seunghoon suspects it’s not only because it’s a laughable matter. 

He’s just too pleased, even when Seunghoon laughs back and chants “nothing, I told him nothing, he’s just the way he is”. Seungyoon seems just too sincere, just too happy.

Maybe Seungyoon is a masochist like Seunghoon and enjoys nuisances and assholes, because Seunghoon didn’t really give him much to like. They have spent all their time together bickering, without giving space to anything else. He’s never been that nice to start with... or maybe Seungyoon is just incredibly weak to stolen kisses, and that’s enough to spark an affection. Whatever it is, Seunghoon can’t feel himself entirely innocent, as he’s guilty of playing with that gullible side of Seungyoon that let Seunghoon have power on him. 

“Nothing, nothing”, Seunghoon repeats when his laughter dies in his throat, feeling a tad colder as he’s aware of his mistakes. “He went ahead by his own, he’s probably planning our wedding already”.

“So I have to play my part even better, right? He expects us to be madly in love”, he mocks. 

“Well, if it’s too perfect he might be too brokenhearted when we break up, you should tone down your enthusiasm… but don’t be surprised if he starts telling you how perfect we look for each other”.

Seungyoon nods quietly, suddenly looking like some trouble is crossing his mind. He takes a moment to speak up: “He sounds like a great guy... no wonder you fell for him”.

Seunghoon freezes at those words and withdraws his hand from the table when Seungyoon tries to hold it. It’s just too difficult to discuss, and he doesn’t think Seungyoon has the right to ask. Haute perks up to lick his fists resting on his knees, tongue wet and warm against his skin. 

“Don’t you worry, I am not here to hear you talk about it, it’s a mutual deal, remember? No personal feelings will be discussed while we’re still under contract”. Seungyoon’s smile is confined to being civil, now, without any of the amusement of few minutes ago. “It just pleases me to see you’re human after all, no matter how hard you try to hide it… makes you less disagreeable”.

Seunghoon feels way too much like a douche, but that sounds like a confession to him.

  
  


“Are you really into tattoos?”, Seungyoon chimes when they stop in front of a parlour. 

Seunghoon has been dragged to a shopping area for some reason he can’t point out, between Haute whining for keeping playing outside instead of going back home and those flirtatious smiles that Seungyoon just seems to wear at every hour, and they have come to a halt when he noticed a design he likes out of this parlour. 

“You’ll be surprised, but I have ink on my skin”, he says, still staring at the neat lineart. “I bet you’re such a crybaby you’re afraid to get one - metal soul my ass”. 

“Boring clerk my ass, I’d rather say. You’re full of surprises”. Seunghoon flashes a fabulous smile at that. “And well, it’s not just like that” “ _ crybaby _ ” “I mean it, it’s just so… definitive. Absolute. So, forever, you know? I don’t feel I’m ready for such a thing”.

“Yeah, that’s what most people say. That’s also why I only have two tattoos instead of many more I’d like”. 

“Will you show me?”, Seungyoon is expectant now, excited like a kid at the idea. 

“Well, that can’t be done in public”. Seunghoon’s grin speaks enough volume and Seungyoon turns red again, a colour that suits him incredibly well. 

“I guess I need to add pervert to the list of things you are”, he coughs nervously, looking away as he tries to recollect himself.

“You know it’s also because of work… tattoos are still a taboo in this country, and well yes I might be famous for what I do and work with art more than any boring clerk, but I’m not some sort of rockstar, I started from zero just like you, in a dark forgotten corner of our company”, Seunghoon has the urge to explain, even if it’s quite amusing to see Seungyoon that embarrassed. It’s the first time he’s so blatantly coy, and Seunghoon likes it on Seungyoon, likes to win over those small things despite all.

“Yeah sure, you’re still a pervert”, Seungyoon mumbles, dragging him to the music shop he was planning to go since earlier. Seunghoon stays at the entrance with Haute sitting at his feet while Seungyoon skims through some instruments and books he wants to check.

“Well, you can say I’m much of a rock soul”, Seunghoon answers, following Seungyoon with his eyes, and he grimaces when that brat sticks his tongue out in reply.

He waits for Seungyoon to buy what he needs and then they heads out, and it’s now time to call it a day or they’ll end up having dinner together. It feels extremely awkward to end this ordeal, because when they start to wave goodbye it feels suddenly real - that this could be called a date, and Seunghoon is quite sure he enjoyed most of it. 

Seungyoon seems to hesitate after saying his goodbyes to Seunghoon, like there is something he wants to add but has no courage to speak, so it’s Seunghoon the first that turns around to go away. 

He doesn’t go far as Seungyoon grabs his hand and pulls him in the first dark corner he finds, a secondary road that seems empty enough. Seunghoon wants to ask what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but he has no time to speak because Seungyoon kisses him.

His soft big lips cover Seunghoon’s entirely, his hands going to cradle his face as he pushes his whole self against Seunghoon with an urgency that must have been hidden all along, that has waited to be let free. Seunghoon fists his fingers around Haute’s leash, not letting go of him even in that moment, but moves his arms to hug Seungyoon’s back.

He kisses back, not even questioning it. Seungyoon feels good against him, feels good on his mouth, hungry and warm, and Seunghoon wants to pursue that pleasure.

“What for?”, Seunghoon asks when they part, breathless and quite defeated. 

“After the wedding”, Seungyoon suggests, waving goodbye once again. 

Seunghoon feels just like a fool, but not the way he expected few hours ago.

  
  


It’s way later that day, after he gave Haute some dinner and he ate ramen and kimchi to quench the hunger. Seunghoon still feels the kiss lingering on his lips, a sort of victory that Seungyoon claimed without even inquiring, something Seunghoon has let him take because he wanted.

This time he wasn’t playing any games, because the confirmation he needed was out there already, was blatantly glaring at him that afternoon at the park. The rest was a continuation of some sort, more than a game he has set up.

And Seunghoon can’t believe he’s doing this, he truly can’t, but he’s not an idiot and he has to admit that Seungyoon is not just a glitch he can overlook.

It takes him the whole night to make that a thought that stands by its own, a thought with a shape and a weight in his mind, and not just a lie he’s trying to gloss over to move on with his life. It’s an uncomfortable truth that itches and probes and doesn’t leave him alone. It keeps him awake, alive, just like Seungyoon’s music, pulling him out of his comfort zone without asking for permission.

Seunghoon suddenly feels like the teenager he was once, that same kid that fell for his hyung when he didn’t even know what love was, the same kid that needed just few words of approval to keep going on, sparing his heart for someone who would never accept it while hurting everyone he went out with.

That intensity, that honesty and rawness of feelings - everything feels new, a beginning in his thirties, just when he thought he had settled down for much less. There is nothing else he can do but chase after it, or he’ll hate himself for not acting up.

He’s doomed to ridicule, basically. He’s doomed to defeat.

  
  
  


Sunday comes quickly, the awaited day now turning into reality. 

Seunghoon takes his time to shower, that morning, takes his time to say his silent goodbyes as he dresses for his long unrequited love’s wedding, button after button wearing up an armour that will keep him strong the whole day. 

He hates to admit it, when he slides on his seat to open the passenger door so that Seungyoon can get in his car, but he’s really glad he’s not alone in this fight. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for being this late, so let’s skip this! I’m glad I updated before the year ends, I hope you all forgot about the story enough to not hate me for being this late haha and also, this grew longer than planned again, but I’m almost sure next chapter will be the last one ?? hopefully

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, yoon's band is inspired by Hyukoh. I also want to say that this Seunghoon is kinda hysterical kinda wanting to rule them all, but he's also cute, isn't he.  
> I hope to write part 2 ... Decently soon.


End file.
